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You know you're getting old when you can't figure out why there's a 'z' on the end of 'skaterz'. Don't these young punks know how to spell? All joking
aside, Skater Sex Chronicles, this feature length offering from the SaggerzSkaterz website, might just send you looking for those old kneepads, aching to
learn the lingo.
Ian Madrox, the first skater we meet, seems frustrated with his board tricks, slamming his skateboard down time and time again. Eventually he gives up and heads indoors, ready to do something he knows he's good at. Flopping down on the couch and thumbing through a skin rag, you get the impression that Madrox could care less that he's being filmed jerking off. His spiky hair reminded me of a spiky cactus, and his pierced eyebrows make him look slightly menacing. The session is filmed in real-time, shaky camerawork spying on Madrox's every move.
Tossing aside the magazine, he opens up his laptop for better stroke material. He's cute, but obviously has a lot of maturing to do. With his somewhat bony frame, he doesn't seem entirely at ease in front of the camera. The highlight of his jerk-off session comes when he fills a condom with air, then attaches the inflated balloon to the very tip of his prick. He then gingerly jerks off into the balloon, spraying the inside of it with pup spunk. Tying off the balloon, he then sends his seed into orbit.
You might recognize Evan Heinze, Dustin Killiman and Tyson Nash as the dudes who hang out at the corner 7-11. You know the type - infinitely bored and belligerent post-teens, giggling and smirking into their cupped palms at everyone walking by, five minutes away from trouble. Hooking up with pal Ian Madrox, the gang heads to a friend's pad to crash. When one of them finds a life-size blow-up doll stashed in the bedroom, the party swings into full gear.
This segment runs nearly an hour, nearly all of it filled with raucous and harmless fun, the sexiest thing being the idiotic behavior of the four models. As they get closer to blowing their loads and their breathing gets shallower, the horseplay simmers down and the focus becomes getting off. In the end, they all plop down on the leather sofa and watch the film, jerking their rods in full view of their buddies. By now, the doll is completely deflated, a plastic rag where the boys dump their scum. As each gets off in turn, they leave the room, until all four have deposited their loads into the doll's plastic mouth.
The third segment, titled Skater 3-Way has models doing things that the guys in the previous scene wouldn't dream of doing. When we first meet J.T. Reese, Jeremiah and Brady, they're settling in to watch a fuck flick. Soon their eyes glued to the TV and their dicks are popping out of their flies. Unlike all the models we've seen so far, these guys look a little less "street" and more collegiate, even though the one in the center still sports a trucker cap, slightly askew in homage to Ashton Kucher.
Polite rubbing of a buddy's thigh snowballs into more aggressive stroking and jerking. Before long, each pup has a paw wrapped around a buddy's prick, sensually jerking and teasing. But no one yet has the confidence to tear his eyes from the television. All it takes is one tentative kiss at the right moment and all their skater duds go flying. With the hetero porn long forgotten, the three guys focus on each other, scooting and squirming to find the best position to blow a buddy. This is easily the more erotic part of Skater Sex Chronicles, probably because of the genuine awkwardness of the models as they arrange their legs and torsos, trying to find the best position to enjoy blowing or getting blown. They study each other's asses tentatively, and eventually one pup takes the plunge and opens his hole for his friends. The conclusion is smokin' - with the crew filming from below, all three huddle around the camera and jack off, the cream splattering directly onto the lens. Hot!
The final segment has considerably less heat than everything that has come so far, and might put the viewer in mind of every poorly done camping fantasy in gay porn. Called Camping in Mexico, Dustin Killiman and pal Bucky share a beer, a smoke and then a wank. Cleverly hidden beneath a sleeping bag inside their tent is a stash of beaver mags, giving Killiman and Bucky an excuse to pull out their dicks and stroke. They never really make full-on sexual contact, opting instead for some heated wresting and naked horseplay. They end up jerking off side by side, coating their abs with goo.
Skater Sex Chronicles is a twink-fest from start to finish, some models rougher around the edges than others. The post-teen studs in the third scene steal the show, going farther than the other models with their explorations. For the more mature viewer who doesn't know which urge is stronger -the urge to spank or suck off the arrogant punks on skateboards - Chronicles may just be the ticket.
-Ian Kissler
